Things Not in a Pregnancy Guide

So you're pregnant? Congratulations! Your life is about to change. Drastically. Your life, your body, your sleep patterns, your entire purpose for living, are all about to change. This is a great time for you to find a Pregnancy Guide so you have some idea of what is about to happen to you. Here are a few things I discovered while pregnant. Things not in a pregnancy guide. Enjoy!
  1. You will most likely discover, early on in your pregnancy, that smells are different. Really, really different. Something that used to bring you pleasure may soon become the one thing that triggers three hours of vomiting. Then again, perhaps it is something you didn't like much before anyway. For me, the smell of gasoline made me so sick that I couldn't pump gas or even sit in a car in the service station with the windows rolled up.
  2. Those first few fluttery kicks will soon become an internal beating of your ribs and your bladder. I can remember sitting in a college classroom when my little "bun in the oven" decided it was time to stretch out and dig pointy little heels into every nerve ending in my rib-cage. I would sit straight up, suck in my breath loudly, and freak out everyone sitting anywhere near me.
  3. Morning sickness doesn't happen in the morning. Well, it does. But it also happens at noon, 3:30p.m., dinner, bedtime, bathtime, at the grocery store, at the doctor's office, in the car, and everywhere totally inconvenient. The urge to pee constantly happens too, especially when dealing with the internal beating you get in point 2 above.
  4. When you are actually birthing that beautiful baby, screaming and straining and pushing, you might (read as "probably will") also poop. This is also the birth of your future hemorrhoids. 
  5. If you've never had a mustache before, prepare yourself. It's coming soon too. 
  6. It's worth it. (And yeah, that part is probably in every pregnancy guide, because it's really the truth).


  1. All so very true! Thanks for the laughs. :D


  2. These are all true. Looks like all these things happen to me especially the morning sickness that does not actually happen in the morning.

  3. The mustache thing amazed me. Along with my eyebrow growth spurt! No one warned me I'd get the eyebrows of an elderly man! When people told me I'd get thick, flowing hair, I didn't realize it would be on my face.

  4. I never had morning sickness, but I heard it can be a doozy.
    One other thing is the "phantom kicks." All afternoon after I delivered my son I still felt him kicking inside me. It was just weird.
    I missed being pregnant and feeling him inside me.

  5. thankfully never got a mustache!


  6. all of these are so true! so happy that i am in the last few weeks of my pregnancy!